Sincerely, Me
by HamilsquadFan
Summary: Lams college AU. Alexander meets his crazy roommates, but what comes next? Crazy rivalries? Blossoming romances? And what happens when a letter falls into the wrong hands? I apologize in advance for what happens to Alex, and also be warned. I love angst. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello all of you reading! This story is going to be kind of slow moving for now, but don't worry! Just the first few chapters. They will serve as a sort of backstory, or maybe I'll just time skip in the next one. But, anyway, enjoy! **

I got to New York around midnight. School didn't start for another week though, thank goodness. I don't want to be behind on classes. But anyway, I'm exited! New York is a big change for me, since I'm not really used to cities. But I can't wait.

The first thing I did was find a way to get to my dorm, which wasn't too hard. I quickly got the key and walked into the building. My dorm is on the second floor, so I just took the stairs. What I saw when I walked into my dorm was...interesting, to say the least.

I unlocked the door and opened it, it took me a minute to figure out what was going on. There was three men, one with a million freckles on his face that looked like stars, one was shirtless with his hair up in a perfect bun, and the other looked like he was ready for football season.

They all crashed on top of each other when I walked in. _They're probably surprised...what were they doing? _I thought as I stood in the doorway, watching them untangle and stand up.

"I...uh...Hi. I'm Alexander Hamilton." I finally say. The freckled one smiled and held out his hand, so I shook it. His hair was in a ponytail, like mine. But his was more messy.

"Hey! I'm John Laurens!" He says. Then John points to the taller one. "That's Lafay-"

He was interrupted by the tall man. "Bonjour. Je m'appelle Lafayette. Or Laf, for short." He smiles. His teeth were really white too. He seemed perfect in every way. _And_ he was French, according to his accent.

"And I'm Hercules Mulligan!" The other one says.

"It's nice to meet you." I say. I quickly glanced past them. _Oh, oh! They were playing twister! Wait, why were they playing twister at midnight?_

"Jeez, he spaced out already. Uh, earth to Alexander! Or Alex, if you prefer Alex. I like Alex, can I call you Alex?" John says, waving his hand in front of my face.

"Oh, right. Yes. Sorry. Either is fine." I say. Then without thinking I blurt out, "Why are you guys playing twister at midnight?"

John covers his mouth. _Is he laughing? At me or the situation? Did I make a bad impression already?_ I wondered, but then Laf and Hercules started to laugh too.

After a moment John clears his throat. "Ahem, right. Yes. So, we have been waiting for you all day. And none of us wanted to miss meeting you, so we stayed up. And decided to play twister. And then you walked in. That must have been very confusing." He says, obviously trying to keep himself from laughing.

Lafayette and Hercules weren't even trying to contain themselves. They were leaning on each other for support and holding their stomachs. Lafayette was saying something in French, or maybe English. It was hard to understand either way.

"Yeah, it kind of was." I say. "So...Am I allowed in?" John's smile disappeared, and he seemed to realize I was still standing in the doorway with my duffel bag.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! Yeah, yes, of course. Come in." He elbowed Laf and Hercules, and they stopped laughing. They were still smiling though.

I smile a little as I walk in. It wasn't too big of a dorm. It had a small living room and kitchen. There was a hallway, which led to four different doors.

"Each room is connected by a bathroom. Laf and Herc took the ones on the left side, so me and you have to share the other bathroom. But I'll show you to your room." John says, following me. I let him pass, then glanced back at Laf and Herc. They were whispering about something. I turned back and follow John though. He led me to a room with cream colored walls, and a basic carpet. There was a bed frame pushed against the wall in one corner, but it didn't have a mattress. There was also a desk, with a bookshelf next to it. I immediately made my way over to it.

The desk was nice, and the bookshelf had a few classics on it. Along with a couple books about turtles. _I wonder which one of them likes turtles. Or maybe they thought I liked turtles? Well they didn't know me, so maybe it was just a wild guess._

"We weren't sure what you liked, so we just got some standard stuff." John says, interrupting my thoughts. "The turtle books are mine, if you were wondering. I ran out of space on my shelf."

"Oh, okay. That makes sense." I say, turning around. "The room is perfect, thanks for setting it up." I glanced at the bed frame.

"If you were wondering about the bed, don't ask. There _was _four...but uh, yeah just don't ask." He says, catching me glancing at the bed. "But for now you can sleep on my beanbag chair! I'll have Herc and Laf help me move it." He smiles again and walks out of the room.

I smiled to myself and placed my duffel bag on the ground. I unzipped the main part, and took out my laptop and put it on the desk. Then I took out the clothes I had. A couple pairs of jeans, some shirts, and a hoodie in case it got cold. I hung them up in the small closet. I put my notebooks on the shelf, along with my pens. And...that was it. Unpacking was done.

I was looking at the books on the shelf again when Herc, Laf, and John came into my room with a pretty big beanbag chair.

"You can sleep on this mon ami!" Laf says, smiling brightly.

"Oh, thanks guys!" I say, smiling. John looked at my empty duffel bag I had left on the floor.

"Geez, you already unpacked? That was quick." He says.

"Oh, well. Not much to unpack." I say with a half-smile.

"Oh." The other two fell silent. _Damn it. Why am I so awkward?_ "Well, we'll let you get settled. We're probably gonna go to bed soon."

I nod and smile as they walk out. _Okay. Now I need to write._ I think as I open up my laptop and start writing. It wasn't for school, it was just something I was working on. Well, I was always working on something. But this was just the main thing I was working on. Well, not really. I never had a main thing I was working on. Everything was always my main thing until it was done. Just a bunch of little main things.

After about half an hour I hear John say goodnight to the other two, and then after a few minutes it was silent. Well, except for the small taps of the laptop keys as I typed.

It was five when I finally decided to sleep. Although, it wasn't me who decided really. I got a message from someone I didn't want to talk to. I shut my laptop, then collapsed onto the beanbag chair, using my hoodie as a makeshift blanket. The world was soon lost in darkness as I fell asleep. But not before i thought about my new roommates. They were certainly...something else. I can't wait to spend time with them. Especially John.


	2. Chapter 2

I got along with my dormmates perfectly throughout the next few weeks. Me and John both agreed that Herc and Laf should be a couple. They always seemed to try and have me and John spend time together for some reason. It was fine though, I really liked John. Not like I'm a weird way or anything, just like friends. Yes, totally like friends. 100% friends only.

Anyways, school had started and I was doing great in my classes. Writing was my favorite, since I always aced all of the assignments.

Now it is currently one in the morning, and I'm sitting at my laptop working on a future assignments. _I knew it wasn't a mistake asking for them early. _I thought with a smile as I sipped my coffee and continued typing. I knew I drank too much coffee, but I needed to stay up somehow.

I heard a knock at my door, and I nearly fell off of my chair. Everyone should be asleep by now. I sigh and check the time before I walk to the door. It was almost two now.

"Um, yes?" I say when I open the door. It was John.

"Hi. I keep hearing tapping, or clicking coming from your room and I-" He looked past my shoulder. "Are you doing _work?_" He asked, pushing past me and walking over to my laptop.

"Yeah." I say, following him.

"Alexander. It is almost two in the morning. I know for a fact you are ahead in all of your classes, and you're _doing work?" _He says in disbelief.

"It helps me." I say, rubbing my eyes and finishing the cup of coffee I had made. "I can't sleep, so I write."

"Alright, first of all, absolutely not." John says as he grabs the cup before I can finish it. "Second of all, you should be sleeping. Or at least _trying_ to sleep. If you stay up writing you'll just keep yourself awake. That's not healthy. Drinking a bunch of coffee isn't either."

"I know, but I can't fall asleep no matter what." I say. "And when I do fall asleep, which is rare, I have nightmares that I...I don't want to have. So I write to distract myself." Nope, you said too much. Too much. Damn it Alex.

John sighs and sits down on my bed, and I sit down next to him. "Would you like to talk about these nightmares?" He asks.

I shrug. "I mean, they're more like memories than nightmares. But...well I guess that whole period of my life was a nightmare." _Stop talking._

"What happened?" John asks.

"Well, when I was 17, a couple years ago, my town in the Caribbean was destroyed by a hurricane." I paused. "I was the only one who made it out alive." _I said stop talking._

"Oh..." John put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer. I took that as an invitation, and settled my head on his shoulder.

"I wrote my way out." I continued. "I wrote stories about what I saw, about what was left of my home. That's how I got into this college. They would never have let me in if it weren't for that." _Shutting up isn't something I can do. Obviously._

"So...That's why I write. To distract myself, and to avoid nightmares." I finish. John sits there in silence for a few moments.

"You still need to sleep, Alex." He says. "You can even sleep in my room if it helps being with someone. I don't want you to work yourself to death. That would not be fun. At all."

I smile a tiny bit and hug him. "Okay. And yes, being with someone helps more than being alone. I just...Never have someone to be with."

"You'll never be alone here." John says, returning a smile. "Now come on. I'm tired, and we have classes tomorrow."

"Alright." I say as I grab a blanket, then follow John to his room. I laid down on the beanbag chair, which was right next to John's bed, and fell asleep.

I didn't have any nightmares either. It's been a while since that's happened.

—

I woke up to the sound of people giggling. Weird. I opened my eyes, and saw Laf and Herc in the doorway.

"So you and John have gotten closer than I thought." Herc says. Laf broke down into giggles.

It turns out John rolled off the bed and was laying next to me on the beanbag somehow. Or maybe he got up in the middle of the night and just got lazy? Well whatever the case was, I turned red and shook John's shoulder. He opened his eyes and yawned, then sat up when he heard giggling.

"Where am...Oh. OH! STOP LAUGHING YOU TWO!" He says, getting up and throwing a pillow at them. I look at him, and his cheeks are bright red. I felt myself blushing as he looked at me and smiled.

"Heh...Sorry. I guess I rolled off of the bed..." John looked around and cleared his throat. I stood up and walked out of his room, but stopped at the doorway.

"It's okay. I understand. And um, I didn't have any nightmares by the way." I saw him smile, and I walk to my room.

His smile was the cutest thing ever.


	3. Chapter 3

(This is where it gets interesting :DDDD)

It's been a week since the beanbag chair incident. Yes, I'm classifying it as an incident. I still sleep in John's room sometimes. Although I do pretend to sleep in my room, I'm really just writing though. I try to be quieter when I type, and I now have a reflex to stop when I hear someone move. I mean, I know I said I'd sleep more...But I can't go without writing. That's what the night is for, right? ((((As an author I 100% can't agree more, it is literally 2:50 in the morning))))

It is three in the morning now, and I'm sitting at the desk typing when my door slams open. I must have shouted a little bit, because soon Laf and Herc were standing in the doorway with John. I don't like loud noises.

"What's going on?! Is Alex in trouble?!" Laf asks, stumbling into the room. He looked half-asleep, but his hair wasn't even messy. It was still perfect. How? Interrupting my thoughts, John walks over and shuts my laptop, then grabs it.

"Hey, that's mine!" I whine, trying to grab it back. _I didn't save the last paragraph, I didn't save the last paragraph! _My thoughts are officially a mess. Being sleep deprived doesn't help. But there was also no way I was sleeping, when I had so many ideas!

"I know, but now I'm holding it hostage." John says, hugging the laptop close to his chest. "I told you before, I'll tell you again! Stop staying up past midnight writing!"

"I was almost done with my essay though!" I say. I look past John for a moment and see Laf leaning on Herc. _Wow, they would be really cute together. I wonder if people think me and John would be cute toge-_

"Alex. I'm trying to help you. Okay? You do not need to write anymore. You need to sleep." John says, interrupting my thoughts.

"I don't need sleep." I say, crossing my arms over my chest. I was acting like a toddler, but I didn't care. That much. Unless John thought it wasn't cute. _Wait, wait wait. Since when do I care if John thinks I'm cute or not? _Does _he think I'm cute? What if he thinks I'm being annoying? _

"You will literally die if you don't sleep." John says. Laf and Herc had disappeared already. To sleep. Lucky bastards. Wait, no...Not lucky. I don't want to sleep.

I sigh and try to think of another argument, but my mind is blank. That's new. "Fine." I say. "I won't stay up past midnight writing anymore."

John walked out of my room with the laptop, then came back several seconds later. Without the laptop.

"Alright. Now let's go." He says, grabbing my hand and pulling me into his room. I felt my cheeks heat up. _No, no, no. No blushing. Stop blushing. Damn it!_

"You are going to sleep in here so I can keep an eye on you." John says as he sits down on his bed. I sigh and collapse onto the beanbag chair.

"I am very mad at you Alex." John says. I didn't respond, so he threw a pillow at me.

"I know, I'm sorry." I say, throwing the pillow back at him. "I've just been getting worse nightmares than usual, because of the storms, then waking up to a panic attack. It's better to not sleep than deal with those."

"You're an idiot." John says, laying down and turning to me. "You know that right?"

"Yeah, I know." I mumble, closing my eyes. Then something crazy happened.

"Do you wanna get lunch together someday? Or dinner?" John blurts. I open my eyes and look at him.

"Are you asking me out on a date, Laurens?"

"Are you saying yes, Hamilton?"

I laugh a little and nod. "Yes, I would love to get lunch or dinner together."

—

And so we did. We went on several dates in between or after classes, but it wasn't until the fourth one when he officially stated that we were boyfriends. I was...really happy, to say the least. It was amazing. John is amazing most of all.

I kissed him when he said that. Which surprised me, and him. I'm...not really the most forward type.

We also developed a habit of writing letters to each other while we were in classes. We had different ones though, so I would slip a letter in his bag before we parted. We usually met in between classes, so it wasn't difficult. And he would do the same. John didn't want to be a couple in public, which is why we wrote letters. He still hasn't told me why though. But we could snuggle during the weekends when Herc and Laf were out. Out doing what? We don't know. But we were just caught up in our little daydream.

Well, anyway. The special thing about these letters is that they always end with 'Sincerly Me' I'm not sure why, but it's just special for us. Somehow. It's all very hard to explain.

—**A Few Months Later(Almost Christmas Break)**—

"Love you John. Sincerely, Me"

I finished the letter right as class ended. I packed up my things and glanced at Thomas, who was sitting nearby. Law class was next, which I took with Thomas. We would always go up against each other for debates. I almost always win. Which is why he hates me.

I hurry out of the room, and make my way to the next class. I don't see John on the way though. _I'll just give him the letter later. I did grab it, right? Yeah. Definitely. _I think as I walk into Professor Washington's class.

Class went by smoothly. I beat Thomas in our debate, as usual. It wasn't until the end of class when something bad happened.

"Wow. I had no idea you and Laurens were in love." Thomas says from behind me. I scooped up my books into my bag quickly. _No, no, no, no. The letter. He has the letter. It's not here. FUCK. _He smiled as I slowly turned around. _Shit, shit, shit. _

"We aren't. Why do you say that?" I ask. _Deny everything._

Thomas smirks and waves the letter in front of my face. "Seems like you are in this thing. 'I love you John. Sincerely, Me' "

"Stop it." I growl, trying to snatch the letter from him. But he was taller than me, and just raised his arm.

"You want this?" Thomas asks. I wanted to smack the smirk off his face. Then punch him in the nose. Several times. He was taller than me, almost everyone was. But I bet I could still floor him.

"Yes, it's mine. Now give it back. Right now." I say. I was ready to tackle Thomas to get it back. That...probably wouldn't have worked to be honest.

"Fine. Have it." He held out the letter, but pulled it away before I could grab it. "But, we need to make a deal first."

"What kind of deal?" I ask.

"You have to do whatever I say, only then will you get the letter back. Eventually." He replies, putting the letter in his pocket. "And don't bother stealing it, I already have a picture."

"You ass." I say, narrowing my eyes. _So I need to get his phone too, then delete the picture. Piece. Of. Cake. _

"So are you agreeing, or would you rather me send this to John's father? I heard he is _very _homophobic. He probably wouldn't agree with this at all. And he is known for hating John. His _obviously _very gay son. I wouldn't be surprised if he abused him when he was younger."

"What?" This was news to me. I hadn't known, or even guessed that's why John wanted to keep us a secret. But I understood now. "I-I m-mean...J-Just give it!" I was at a loss for words.

_I can't let his dad find out now. Not like this._ I sighed and looked down at my feet. I could practically hear Jefferson's smirk. His disgusting smirk, and his ridiculously poofy hair. "Fine."

Thomas laughed and clapped his hands. "Perfect! I'll meet you at the coffee shop tomorrow at eight, don't be late." And then he was gone.

I felt like crying. But I couldn't just break down in a classroom. No. I needed to go somewhere else. I grabbed my bag and walked back to my dorm, which I then slammed the door to my room and locked it.

I was angry now. Angry at Thomas, angry at John's dad, angry at _everything. _But mostly Thomas. He was such an _ass. _Threatening me and John like that! I would kill him if I ever got the chance!

I laid down on my bed and covered my eyes with my hands. _Tomorrow at eight. Don't be late. _The words swarmed my head, and I felt the need to scream. I probably did, since I heard someone knocking on my door a few moments later. I don't remember what I said, but they retreated quickly.


	4. Chapter 4

(**Alright, we're gonna switch to Laf's POV for this beginning part[Also, this is kind of a short chapter]**)

"Hey, mon ami!" I say as Alex walks into the dorm. I was eating a bowl of cereal and watching a show. Yes I know it was in the middle of the afternoon. Don't judge me.

He didn't respond, so I stood up and followed him until he stomped into his room and slammed the door. I heard it lock too.

Herc emerged from his mess of a room and looked at me. I was shirtless and holding a bowl of cereal, so I probably didn't look as elegant as I usually do. (Kidding, that was a joke)

"He walked in, then slammed the door." I say to Herc.

He looked at me again, then knocked on Alex's door. "Hey...Alex? You okay?"

We heard a muffled "Leave me alone" after a minute or so. Me and Herc shared another glance.

"Well, Uh, me and Laf are here if you wanna talk. Or something."

The door opened and I smiled a little, but then Alex just glared at us.

"I said leave me alone." He growled. And then he slammed the door again, which made me and Herc jump.

"Well...Maybe Jefferson beat him in a debate?" I try.

"Are you kidding me? Jefferson never beats him." Herc says.

"Maybe someone just pissed him off. You know how our petit lion can get." I say with a shrug. I walk back to the living room area and continue watching TV. Herc sits next to me on the couch.

John came back home after a few more hours.

"Hey guys...Where's Alex?" John asked after he walked in. He could always tell when someone was wrong. Like the time I went missing because I got in a fight with James Reynolds. That wasn't a great day. Or week. I still have a scar from him. The bastard.

"He's in his room." Herc says. "He um, he seemed a little angry before." John gave him a confused look.

"He walked in, slammed his door, then told us to leave him alone. Very angrily. He looked very mad." I say.

John sighed a little and walked to Alex's door.

(**Back to Alex's POV**)

I was still laying down when someone else knocked on my door. I sighed and walked to the door, then opened it, prepared to snap at Laf and Herc for bothering me again.

It was John. He walked into my room, then closed the door behind him.

"What's wrong with you?" He asks, taking one of my hands and holding it. "Laf and Herc just said you came home and slammed your door."

"It's nothing I was just mad at..." What's the point in lying? "Jefferson. He was just...being himself. And it ticked me off. We have to work on a...a project together." _No point in lying my ass. _

"Are you sure that's it?" John asks, still looking concerned. I nodded a little, and he smiled and kissed me.

"If you say so. I'm gonna go make Laf cook dinner." He says before leaving. I sighed and closed my door, not slamming it this time. Then I walked over to my desk and opened my laptop. I sat there for a moment before starting to type.

I didn't stop until John came in to check on me again. And then I ate dinner, and then I was off to my room again to type.

John eventually took my laptop away, so I went into the living room and watched a Disney movie with him, Laf, and Herc.

They really liked Disney for some reason.

John made me sleep in his room again, but we snuggled up on his bed instead of me sleeping on the beanbag chair. Hey, no complaints here.

I can't sleep though. Im going crazy, trying to think of ways to fix the Jefferson problem. _I can't. I can't fix it. God, I'm so stupid. Why did I leave the letter?!_

I sighed and turned over, facing John. He was adorable when he was sleeping. Well, he was always adorable. I smiled as I lightly brushed his hair out of his face. His freckles only made him cuter. It made my heart flutter as I thought about the first time we met. My first thought about his freckles were that they looked like stars. And they really did. I kissed his nose, and he stirred a bit.

"I love you John." I whispered, closing my eyes and finally going to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

I opened my eyes as I heard a soft buzz coming from John's nightstand. _Oh, I left my phone there._ I untangled myself from John, then grabbed my phone. Thomas was calling. Wait, why the hell was Thomas calling?

How the hell did Jefferson get my number?

I groaned and walked to my room, then answered it.

"What the hell do you want?" I asked sharply.

"It's past eight Alexander. I told you not to be late."

"I overslept, I'm sorry." Apologizing to his enemy. Well, there's a first for everything isn't there?

"Don't let it happen again. Get here quick, or I might just go to your dorm and visit John too." _I'm going to kill him. It's official. _

"Fine." I say before hanging up. I quickly throw on some clothes, then race out the door. This might be the worst thing that's every happened to me. Well...Maybe not the absolute worst. But it's definitely up there.

I could barely believe what I was seeing when I walked into the coffee shop. Thomas had abandoned his usual purple clothing, and was wearing a gray hoodie and jeans. Much like what I was wearing, except my hoodie was black.

"Hi." I say as I sit down in front of him.

"Why hello there." Thomas says, smiling brightly at me. "I've put a lot of thought into your first task."

"Wait, Wait." I say, interrupting him. "I need to know something. How long to I have to be your servant or whatever?"

"For as long as I want." He responds smugly. I opened my mouth to respond, but he beat me to it.

"I have rules, Hamilton. The first one is no arguing. The second is, shut the hell up when I tell you to. You talk way too much." He says. I have to bite my tongue so I don't snap and lash out. _Think of John. You're doing this for him, so you can stay with him. If he found out he'd hate you for being stupid. Right? Definitely. _

"Hmm, third rule! You must always do as I say, or this" he takes out the letter and waves it around "will be everywhere."

"Fine. I accept the rules." I grumble. He claps his hands together.

"Perfect! Okay, your first task! Hm...What was it?" Thomas sighs a little. "I forgot. Maybe it'll come to me later. But, anyway! For now you just have to do little tasks. Like, bringing me coffee when I want you to. Also, I like my coffee with a splash of milk and sugar, just so you know."

I blinked at him. _Oh god this is going to be torture. _

_"_Okay." I say. "Anything else, as of right now? Your majesty?"

"Hm. I'm ignoring that last bit. But can you tell Laffy to please hang out with me more often? He's a cool cousin. Also, why do you guys end your letters with Sincerely Me?" Thomas says. Then he smiles and gets up before I can even respond. I groan and smack my head on the table. I saw the three Schuylers look at me from around the cafe. They all worked at the same coffee place. I sigh and get up to leave.

This was going to be a horrid year.

_—_

John tackled me as soon as I walked through the door.

"Where have you been?! I WAS WORRIED!" He says, narrowing his eyes at me.

"I was getting coffee with Thomas." I say, trying to get up. But John pushed me back down, then got up.

"At least try to think of a lie I would believe." He huffed.

"I'm not lying, I swear." I say as I get up. I wrap my arms around his stomach and rest my chin on his shoulder.

"You hate Thomas." John says.

"We have to work together at some point, why not start now? I was trying to be nice." I say. _Can you imagine? Being nice to Thomas?_

"Wait, really?" John asks, turning around to look at me.

"Yes, really." I say.

"What parallel universe have I been sucked in to?" John asks, laughing a little. "Wow! You're trying to be nice to Jefferson? Like actually?"

I nod a little. But I was slowly dying inside. "Yeah! Totally!"

_(We're going to time skip a week, and we're still in Alex's POV)_

I sigh as I get a text from Thomas. He had asked me to get him lunch, and now he wanted something else. I was already late to meet John, what else could this ass want?

**Thomas: **Can you stay over for a little bit when you drop of the food? I wanna talk to someone, and Jemmy is upset with me :(

Oh god.


	6. Chapter 6

"Thomas? I'm here." I call out, stepping into the dorm. I looked around, and soon found where he was. Thomas was laying down face-first on the couch. He said something, but his voice was muffled.

"I can't hear you dude." I sigh and walk over, putting his lunch on the table.

Thomas grumbled and lifted his head up. "Me and Jemmy got into a fight. I said sorry, but he just walked away."

He looked like he had been _crying_. I mean...I still totally hated this dude but...still. What was I supposed to do now?

"I don't know how to help you. I mean, this isn't something _I_ can even help you with." I say, walking around the room, then standing a few feet away from the couch. _Did I just make it worse? I think I made it worse. I'm usually good with words, what's the deal Alex?_

"Shut up." Thomas growls, grabbing a pillow and throwing it at me. "I don't need you to help with that. I just wanted someone to talk to."

I roll my eyes and throw the pillow back at him. "Whatever. Knowing you it'll just be me trying to get a word in while you yap about your sob story."

Thomas narrowed his eyes and smirked when he caught the pillow. "Oh it's on now Hamilton." He picked up the pillow, then smacked me with it.

"Hey!" I picked up another pillow and smacked him with it. He returned the favor.

_Oh my god, I'm having a pillow fight with my enemy._ I thought. I couldn't help but laugh though. And he was laughing too. Wow. I was having fun. I mean, it wasn't _that _strange of a concept. I always had fun hanging out with John and Laf, and Herc. And John. Speaking of John, I needed to get to our dorm soon. He wanted to go somewhere...I think. I can't really remember.

I heard someone snickering, and I stopped hitting Thomas with the pillow. He got a revenge smack though, but then he stopped too. We both looked in the direction of the snickering. _Oh no._

Lafayette was watching us, with Herc at his side. I felt my cheeks heat up, and they both exploded with laughter. _I'll never hear the end of this. Ever. _

"Oh my god." Herc says as he supports Laf. Of course, Lafayette was laughing too hard to say anything, and also using Herc as a support so he didn't fall over.

"Oh no." I heard Thomas mumble. I looked over, and his cheeks were as red as mine were. I guess he didn't want to be caught having a pillow fight with his enemy either.

Laf straightened out in a split second. "IM TELLING JOHN!" He yelled, then he raced out of the dorm.

"H-Hey! Wait!" I shouted as I ran after him. "LAF! SLOW DOWN!"

"Jamais! Je dis à John!" Laf yelled in response. We soon arrived at our dorm, but Laf was faster. He burst through the door and ran into John's room.

"JOHN! I found Alex!" Laf says as I crash into John's room. He jumped a little, but then put down his book and looked at us.

"Uh-Huh. Alex, where were you? We were supposed to go to the library together." John says, frowning a little.

"Oh...shit. I forgot. I'm sorry." I stand up and look at the ground.

"He was having a pillow fight with Thomas!" Laf announced cheerfully.

"_What?" _John asked. "You missed our d-, I mean our _outing_ to the library for a pillow fight with Jefferson!?"

Laf cleared his throat. "I Uh...Left mom amour, I mean Herc, at Thomas's." And then he was gone. _Wait, Mon amour means my love._ I looked at Laf just as he ran out the door.

"I'm sorry, I did forget. Truly. I'm sorry." I say. John just stares at me.

"Are you serious?" John asks, "What has gotten into you? This past week you've been spending so much time with Jefferson, you used to hate the guy!"

"Well I never said I _didn't _hate him. He just needed some cheering up today! He's been having trouble with Jem-...James." Yeah. I messed up big time. Damn you Thomas.

"Are you kidding me?" John stood up, then shut the door. "Alex, I'm gonna ask you something. And you better be honest, because this past week you've been spending so much time with Jefferson. And you're always either getting coffee with him, or studying, or something! Are you cheating on me with Thomas fucking Jefferson?"

"What?! No! Ew!" I almost gag at the thought. It's a miracle I didn't throw up my lunch. I can't even imagine going on a _date_ with Thomas. Well, I mean unless the coffee outings counted as dates. They might have looked like dates to other people, but me and Thomas were _both_ in a relationship. Not with each other.

"John. Look at me." I take his hands and kiss his forehead. "I'm sorry, Okay? I wish I could explain but...I just...I'm scared you'll hate me. With what Thomas told me when he found out...something, and just the general mistake I made."

"Alexander, please. Just tell me. It'll all be easier that way." John says softly. This was my chance. I could tell him, and this would all be over. He would help me make Thomas go away. I opened my mouth, but then a phone rang.

_No, no no! _I thought angrily as John let go of my hands and looked at his phone. _What the hell?! ONE MORE FUCKING MINUTE YOU ASSHOLE PHONE!_

John looks at me, then sighs. "I'm sorry. I have to go to class now. But you _are _ going to tell me later. Don't hide this from me. I'm not gonna hate you."

And then he was gone. I sighed and sat down on the floor. I wanted to cry. I wanted to smash something. It was just mixture of anger and sadness, and I didn't no what to do with it. But I found out that out of everything, I just wanted to talk to someone. And that someone was Thomas, which made me feel even worse. _Fuck Thomas. Fuck me for letting Thomas get to those letters. But still, fuck Thomas. I mean, he's not that bad of a person...But still. Fuck him._

Even while thinking that, I took out my phone and texted him.

**You: **_Can I talk to you about John, or is that weird?_

The reply came sooner than I thought it would. 

**Thomas: **_You can come back to my dorm if you want, I owe you for cheering me up. Also, why did Laf run back in screaming in French? _

**You: **_ITs Laf, how can you ever know? (Also, did you hear what he said?)_**. **

**Thomas: **_Well I only know a little French, but it was something like "Amour, John is mad at Alex"_

**You: **_Wait, amour means love :O_

**Thomas: **_:O_

I laughed a little as I got up and started to walk to Thomas's dorm again. The door was still open for some reason, and Thomas was laying on the couch again.

"Not afraid about some creepers walking in?" I asked before stepping inside.

"Nah. I could fight them off." Thomas says, rolling his eyes.

"I'm sure you could. Hey, wait, didn't _I _beat you in a fight once? Me? Alexander? The tiny person?"

"Okay, that is _not_ fair. You literally pounced on me like a...What does Laf call you again?" Thomas sits up and looks at me.

"Petit lion." I answer, laughing. "And you beat me in debate, so I was mad."

"Yeah, well, you got me back. A million times." Thomas smirked a little.

"A million _and one, _Thomas. You can't forget that." I smiled and got up to get some water.

"Oh, right. Yes. That one time is so important." I could almost hear Thomas rolling his eyes. I shake my head a little as I get a glass of water. A week ago I couldn't stand him, but now look at me. I was hanging out with my nemesis in his dorm.

Crazy, right?


	7. Chapter 7

(John's POV)

I don't know why I was so mad, I just was. Imagine _your _boyfriend hanging out with his enemy more than you. Not just any enemy, Thomas _Jefferson._ A man he's despised from the beginning! I mean, come on! Seriously?

I was basically grumbling the whole way to class, and thank _god_ I didn't run into someone. If I saw Charles Lee or James Reynolds, I would have lost it. I was not in the mood for some random ass homophobes to harass me. Now was not the fucking time.

But I couldn't help wonder about what Alex was keeping from me the whole way. He said I'd be mad...and he was probably right. He usually was right. Which was kind of annoying sometimes, but I still loved him. I just really want him to be honest with me, and also _fuck _this class for timing. Seriously, what the hell?!

Anyway, even if he doesn't want to tell me later I'll make him somehow. I'm just worried, and still a bit pissed. But mostly worried. I really love him. And I don't _want_ to be mad at him. Ever.

(Time skip to around 8(in the afternoon lol) Alex's POV)

There I was, all prepared to tell John everything. Then Laf texted me and told me that him, John, and Herc were going out for drinks. I guess it's my fault, I told Laf I was busy. But the point of saying that was so Laf and Herc would go away while me and John got alone time. Well, they're gone. They won't be back until way later, so I might as well get work done. That was the thing that mattered, right? Work.

I wiped away tears before they fell, then opened my laptop. _I wanted to tell John about everything, explain it all. I don't want him to be mad at me, or distant anymore. I just want us to be normal again. Which may be too much to ask, with Thomas in the picture. He's a great guy, sure, but fuck him for messing things up. _

_He didn't mess things up, you did. _A different voice volunteered. I scowled and ignored it. Well, ignoring the fact it was right. It _was _my fault. Technically.

I sighed again and looked around. I was sitting in the living room area, on the couch. My phone had started buzzing, so I put down my laptop and answered it.

"Hello?" I asked.

"James broke up with me. He said I act like a child most of the time, and he feels like I'm not serious enough. For anything, not just our relationship." Well that answers my questions. Well, maybe just a few.

"Geez, Thomas I'm sorry." I say. Although, I did feel as if him and James's relationship started to get a bit rocky at one point. I'm not sure what set it off, but it just seemed that way. But...still. They made a great couple. Sometimes.

I heard a deep sigh from Thomas's end. "Can you get me ice cream and come over so we can watch movies or something?"

"Yeah, I'll be there in a few minutes." I hung up, then grabbed my jacket and made my way to the store. I grumbled a bit when I got outside. It was raining, but that was fine. It wasn't too far from campus, so I just walked quickly. _Why the hell am I doing this for Thomas? _I sigh. _Oh right, he has a letter. And it's all your fault, don't forget that. _

I guess I wasn't paying attention when I crossed the street. Or maybe it was the driver. Maybe it was both of us, because one moment I was just walking and wishing that it wasn't so chilly. And then I heard the screech of tires, like they were trying to stop. Then there was nothing.

_(I'm sorry)_


	8. Chapter 8

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

My eyes fluttered open as the beeping got louder. _Where...Where am I? _I wanted to sit up and look around, but I couldn't. Everything looked fuzzy. It felt fuzzy too.

"H-Hello?" I tried to say. My voice sounded raspy, and was barely louder than a whisper.

"Mon petit lion!" Someone exclaimed, I heard them rush over to me. "You are awake!" Based on the French accent and enthusiasm, that person was most likely Lafayette. Unless there was another mysterious French dude I don't know about.

"L-Laf?" I asked quietly. I blinked, and some things came into focus. _I'm in a hospital. Why the hell am I in a hospital?!_

"Oui, c'est moi." Laf gently took one of my hands, but I still couldn't sit up. I tried to wiggle my legs into a more comfortable position. I'm pretty sure they were asleep. But I couldn't move my legs at all.

Oh. Fuck.

I couldn't move my legs. I couldn't feel them either. I knew they were still there, I could kind of see them. But I couldn't feel them. _Shit shit shit shit shit shit. Panic, panic, oh god. What the hell is going on?!_

Laf must have seen my panicked look. "Alex, calmez-vous. Please. I will explain what happened, try not to freak out. D'accord?"

I nodded and turned my head to look at him. There was someone in the chair behind him too, but it looked like they were sleeping. I just saw a bit of curly hair. Their face was hidden behind a hood though.

"Alex. They said you were hit by a car when you were crossing the road. And the...the car was speeding too. It didn't do any permanent damage...they don't think. I mean, over time you could use your legs again! And you've been in a coma for a few days, but you've recovered! Mostly! They said you're lucky, actually! Really lucky!" He was trying to be positive. I know. But that wasn't what I needed. What I needed were answers. Wait...what did he say about my legs?

"W-What d-do you m-mean use m-my legs again?" I asked in a shaky voice. I don't know why I was even asking. I was terrified of the answer, and I felt like I already knew it. But...part of me needed to hear it. To be sure.

"I...I'm sorry." Laf looked away and I closed my eyes. _Fuck._

"Is he awake yet?" The person mumbled from the chair. Laf looked back and sighed.

"Yeah, and because you fell asleep _I _had to tell him what _you _should have told him. Being his boyfriend and everything. I still can't believe you hid it from us, you bastard. Now comfort him, and be a good _boyfriend._" Laf grumbled. Then he got up and walked out of the room.

So it was John. I smiled a little as he walked closer and kneeled down besides me. Whatever the circumstances, I guess John just always made me happy.

"I'm still pissed at you Alex." John says quietly. "But now for other reasons. You said you were staying home, so why the hell were you all the way off campus?" That's it. This is my actual chance to tell him. I'm pretty sure Thomas forgot about our 'deal' anyway. But fuck Thomas. I can't move my legs, and I'm done with this. I'm done.

"C-Can you help me sit up?" I ask. John nods and wraps his arms around my waist. He then pulls me into a sitting position, but I was still leaning up against the pillows, and John didn't let go of my waist. Without him, I would have just slid back down. _This is going to suck so much. _

"Okay. Thank you." Everything was starting to hurt a little less now. I could think straight, and my words weren't as raspy. "I'll try to explain everything."

And...so I did. I told him about the letter I wrote, how Thomas found it and threatened to use it against us. I told him about how me and Thomas actually became "friends". And then I told him how James broke up with Thomas, and the rest of the details of that story. That fucking story John is probably going to dump me over. But...I guess I kind of deserve it. I was stupid, and I left that letter.

When I was finished talking, John was pacing besides the hospital bed, avoiding the machines and stuff I was hooked up to. He had let go of me before, so I was half laying down, half sitting.

"S-So that's why you were with Thomas. And I got mad. Even though you were trying to protect me." John says finally, sitting down in a chair. I nodded, and he sighed.

"Yeah. I'm s-sorry I didn't tell you sooner." I say. I felt tears forming in my eyes. John shakes his head and gets up, then gently hugs me.

"It's okay. I love you Alex. I'm sorry, I should have listened." He kisses my cheek right as a nurse walks in. I smile a little and mumble a quick "Love you too" right before the door opens.

"I'm sorry sir, you have to leave now. Visiting hours are over." She says. John nods and gently squeezes my hand, then lets it go and walks out.

"When can I get out of here?" I ask the nurse, right away. I know this might sound crazy, but I wanna do everything I can to get back on my feet faster. Literally. I hate hospitals.

"I'm not sure. I'll have to ask someone else, but it should be at least several weeks. Then physical therapy." She says as she checks the levels of the heart monitor.

"So will I need a wheelchair?" I ask, dreading the answer to this question too.

"For a while, yes. But you might get better, and one day only need a walking stick to help. Or even nothing at all." I just kind of nod but my mind is stuck on what she said. _Might. Might get better_. Without much of a warning, the nurse takes a syringe and sticks it into my arm. Well, she probably said something. I just wasn't listening.

"What was that?" I ask.

"Just something to help you sleep faster." She says as she starts to organize something. I try to keep my eyes open and focus on it, but whatever that was it was working fast. And soon I was surrounded by darkness, and drifting off to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

The weeks went by quickly. John visited me as often as he could, even though I told him to at least do work while he was here. He did, most of the time.

Thomas never bothered to stop by. I was wrong about us being fiends, of course. I couldn't be friends with Thomas Jefferson! I can't believe I even thought that! I was so stupid. About everything. And of course, it took me weeks to realize it. And now I can't walk too.

Jefferson is an asshole, and always will be. He only helped prove my point after I got out of the hospital.

—After He Got Out Of The Hospital(I'm so clever, also this is Alex's POV)—

I winced a little as Herc lifted me out of the car and into the wheelchair. I would have to use it until my legs were fixed. If...If they ever got fixed.

"You good?" Herc asked as I shifted in the wheelchair.

"Yep. I'm okay." I mumble as John and Laf get out of the car and rush over. John had told me the supposed plans for the rest of the school year.

He would push me around in the wheelchair when needed, but during the school day Aaron Burr would help me out. I kept trying to tell him I would be fine, but he wouldn't listen. Of course, Aaron would probably be much happier without having to help me. So I'll just tell him that. Or lie and say John told me to say forget it.

"...dinner?" John looked at me expectantly.

"What?" I asked. I must have been spacing out.

"I asked if you wanted to go out for dinner later? Me, you, Herc, and Laf?" John smiles at me as we made our way into the dorm building.

"Yeah, definitely." I returned John's smile. For someone who is paralyzed from the waist down, I'm pretty happy right now. John isn't absolutely pissed anymore, and he doesn't mind us being out as a couple. And Herc totally has feelings for Laf still. Me and John just have to get them together somehow. We'll be matchmakers for once.

"Great! For now you have to work on catching up though. I don't have any of your classes, but maybe you could ask Thomas." John says. He pushes me into the elevator. Herc and Laf have disappeared somewhere.

"Ugh. Fine." I sigh. "Might as well just get it over with. Let's go see if he's in his dorm." John nodded and pushed my chair out into the hallway when the elevator stopped.

"Time to face the demon, right?" John says when we get to Thomas's dorm. I laugh a little, then reach out and knock.

Thomas opened the door, and I couldn't help the scowl that creeped on to my face. Thomas looked surprised to see me. Or maybe he was surprised to see John. Or both.

"Hi Alex. I was wondering where you went that night, nobody ever told me anything." Thomas says.

"Yeah, Okay. I'm just here for the work from the past few weeks. I'm assuming you can give me your notes with the assignments?" I say, reaching up and squeezing John's hand. He was pissed at Thomas.

"I don't have notes. And I'm assuming John knows now too?" Thomas changes the subject. I see him look at mine and John's hands.

"Yeah, I told him. When I was in the hospital." I say. I'm assuming he's talking about the note. I mean, what else is there? Unless he's lying.

"Really? You're still together after we kissed? I mean, you said you'd break up with him for me. I guess you weren't true to your word." Thomas looks at me in disgust. _What the fuck._

"What?" Me and John ask at the same time. He takes his hand away from mine and steps back.

"Jefferson what the hell are you talking about?" I hiss, now mad as fuck. "I wouldn't kiss you even if my life was on the line. And apparently, after hanging out with you for a day and pretending to be your friend, it was." I motion to my legs.

Thomas smirked. He fucking _smirked_. I wanted to tear that smirk off his face. Then he leaned down to look me in the eye.

"You aren't intimidating when you're all the way down here, Hamilton. Although, it's not much of a change for your height. But you can't fight anyone anymore, can you? I guess, in a way, you've lost the most important thing you had."

"You're wrong Jefferson, as usual." I couldn't help the smugness in my voice. "I haven't lost my words. I haven't lost my friends, or John. Who I love by the way, and would never hurt. And let's be real" I smirked. "I could still beat you in a fight, with or without my legs. Why? Because you're a pussy, and I'm better than you. In every. Fucking. Way."

"I'd like to see you try and fight me, you bastard immigrant." Thomas said in a low voice. I could see the anger brewing underneath the surface. Now would be the time to run, if I could.

"Anytime Jefferson, anytime." I say, sitting back in my wheelchair. My eye twitched from his words. _Bastard Immigrant. _I felt John step back up behind me, and I felt proud. I could still kick Jefferson's ass in a debate. I always will. He would lose to a baby penguin.

But, I will learn time and time again. He still has the upper hand. Of course, I learned that agin as he kicked the side of my wheelchair. Hard. And it being not the most sturdy thing ever, it went toppling over. And so did I. John shouted and tried to catch it, or me. But I still was now laying in the hall, unable to move. I looked up, and Jefferson was standing above me. _Fuck, fuck, fuck. Great job Hamilton. Learn how to shut your mouth sometime, how about that? _

He smirked again, but the next thing wasn't what I expected. He didn't kick me, he picked me up by the collar of my shirt. _Yeah this is when I die._

"Don't speak to me like that ever again Hamilton. I still have that goddamned letter. And I know _exactly _who to call if you cross the line. I don't care if you are a crippled now, I will still beat your ass if I wanted to. So don't test me again." And with that, he dropped me. I shouted in pain as I crumpled to the floor. Sure, I couldn't feel my legs. But I _did _have other injuries because of that damn car. I heard Thomas's door slam shut, and John was by my side in an instant. _Don't think about what he said, think about John. John will always have your back. Right? Always and forever. _

"Alex, Alex. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. He hit me, and I hit him back, but then he pushed me and I was just scared and surprised and I'm so sorry." All of his words came out in a rush.

"It's okay John...Please Tell me you didn't believe him about the damn kiss. He's a liar. And, and-" I might have just gone on a rant about how terrible Jefferson is, but John interrupted me.

"I did for a second, but then I remembered who we were talking to." He kisses me, then John carefully lifts me back up into the chair with ease. I wasn't very heavy.

I lifted my head to look at him, and he kissed me again. It was just a short kiss, but it was still a kiss from him.

"Thank you. For punching him." I say as we went back to our dorm.

"No problem. I've never before seen why you hated him so much. But now I hate him too." John grumbles as he tries to hold open the door and push me inside at the same time.

"I've got it." I say as I wheel myself into the dorm. John sighs in relief and walks in after me. "Geez, it's late." I comment, looking at the clock.

"Oh wow. Yeah, it is. Did you wanna sleep with me? Or in your own room?" John asks, sitting on the edge of the couch.

"I would much rather be with you. Under any circumstances." I say, smiling a little. He smiles back. Even though I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to smile right now. Neither do I, but I have to at least pretend I'm okay. I'm sure it's easy to tell that I'm not. But...I'll try for John. I would do anything for him. This whole Jefferson dilemma is just really infuriating.

"Well, let's go then." John goes to push my wheelchair, but I shake my head. I was gonna have to get used to doing things myself. Might as well start here. I went to John's room, with him following close behind me.

After a few painful minutes we finally got me onto the bed, and now I'm cuddled up next to John. As much as I can be. I can't tell if his legs are resting on mine or not, I just feel his arm around my middle.

It was comforting to be with John. If he wasn't here, I would be writing.

_I would be writing...I guess that's the truth. No matter how many times I say I'll take a break...I won't. _I think with a small sigh. John squeezes me a little, but I can tell he's tired. I am too. So I just let myself fall asleep, dreaming about my first night here. So much has happened since then. But the memory is still crystal clear.

Meeting Lafayette, Herc, and John seemed so long ago. But I'll remember that night for the rest of my days. The three playing twister until I scared them on accident. The missing mattress, and having to sleep on the beanbag chair. Now that I'm thinking of it...I never did find out what happened to that mattress. Huh.

**Hey guys! I'm thinking I might find a way to end this in a few chapters or so. I might have a prequel or a sequel (on John and Alex's life, or how the trio met), but I'm not sure. Anywho, I'm working on another story right now. I might just publish the first chapter, and see if you like it. But, thanks for the reviews :D You guys are awesome. **


	10. Chapter 10

Waking up was different now. I couldn't just get up and go make myself coffee, I had to wait for John to get up. Which actually didn't take long. He probably noticed me trying to shift myself, and assumed something was wrong.

He did help me get into my wheelchair though, _that's _when I went to make a cup of coffee.

But guess what?

_My chair can't reach the fucking counter. _

I sigh and go over to Laf, who was watching me from the couch.

"Can you make me a cup of coffee please?" I ask, a bit grumpily. Hey, I couldn't walk. Or even make myself coffee. I think I'm allowed to be a bit pissy.

"Of course mon ami." Laf says, getting up and making the coffee. I go over to the counter with him.

"Did you guys happen to know how much work I missed?" I asked, grabbing a piece of toast with a bit of difficulty. _When did the counter get so tall?_

"Actually, Alex. We were thinking maybe you should take the year off. And start up again next year."

I dropped the toast in surprise. "What?!" I say, sort of loudly. I say it again in a quieter voice. "Laf, I am _not _going to take the year off! And John was even talking about how Burr would help me out! I can't take the year off!"

"Alex." Laf turns to me with a sad look on his face. "Come on, we all know Burr won't help you. And you'd work yourself to death just trying to make up the stuff you missed."

I can't believe them! "I can make my own decisions, thank you very much. And who cared if I work myself to death? At least I'll pass the damn class!"

Laf sighs. "Alex, listen. We all think it's best if you just take a break. Please."

"No, I can't. I have so much work to do Laf. I missed a lot." I say, turning around and going to my room. My laptop was still in there, thank god. _This will be easy. Just send a few emails, and boom. There's all the work you need to do. _I smiled a little as I did just that.

They don't know what they're talking about. I can't _take a break. _The only reason I'm even here is because I didn't stop writing.

The emails came back a bit later. I sucked in a surprised breath. _That's...A lot of work._ I wince a little as I scroll through the assignments I missed. _No, no. I can do this. I'll be fine. _

—

I was in my room until John burst in, much like that one time. Before it all got so complicated.

"Still? You're _still _working?!" John asks. He looks at my laptop and sighs.

"I need to catch up on classes." I say, saving the document. John closes the laptop and sits down besides me.

"Alex, come on. You have to take a break. I know you want to keep working and stuff, but you have to stop for a little bit."

"I'll be fine, Alright? I'm just catching up, little by little." I say, taking his hand and squeezing it. Yeah, that whole sentence was a lie. I've already done a lot of makeup work, and even started on some new assignments thanks to Aaron. _Ha. Laf said Burr wouldn't help me. _

"If you say so." John smiles. "Come on, Laf ordered dinner."

"Wait, it's time for dinner already? I just woke up!" I say.

John sighs as we go into the kitchen area. "Alex, you've been in your room since this morning. At _least _look at the time once in a while."

"Alright, Alright." I smile and hold his hand again. "Now let's go eat. I'm starving."

**Yo, this was just a filler chapter. I kind of ran out of ideas. But the next chapter will be big, I promise. **


	11. Chapter 11 (Important message at the end

I had just fully started classes again when I made one of the worst decisions of my life. We had a day off, and I had physical therapy.

Basically, I wasn't getting better. I still couldn't move my legs at all. I don't want to bore you with details, but I'm probably never going to get to walk again.

When I went home, everyone was gone. John was out with Herc and Laf. I was alone.

"Yep." I say, laughing a little. "I'm alone. Which means I can do _whatever I want." _Yes, I know I was talking to myself. But, who cares? No one was there to judge. I was all alone.

_You know what I haven't had in a while..._I think as I go into the kitchen. _Alcohol. Any sort of alcohol. I haven't gotten drunk since getting thrown in this chair._

"Then again, Alexander who could walk was much easier to deal with." I say, looking around. I smile and reach up to get a bottle of liquor from the shelf. It wasn't far up, and I got it. I also crashed into the floor.

The bottle was okay, but my legs were kind of awkwardly crushed underneath the chair. _Who gives a shit? I can't feel 'em. _I laugh at that thought and open the bottle.

"To me, and my poor life decisions." I say, smiling as I raise the bottle. "And to drowning feelings." Then, with a small nod to the invisible company I had, I started drinking.

—

I don't remember much, but I do recall finding a bottle of vodka...or something. It was in a lower cabinet underneath the sink. Probably Laf's or whoever's. There was another one too, but I didn't bother reading the label. It was small though. I also remember throwing the empty bottles across the room as I thought about Thomas. And John. Herc, Laf, everyone. But mostly me. How screwed up I am.

I can't stop writing, even when I know I should. I can't just take a break. I can't do anything right. All I had to do was look both ways before crossing the street. Something a child learns to do. If I had just done that, I wouldn't be stuck here. Stuck, laying on the cold tile floor...wishing everything was different. If it were, I could get up. I could help people. I could do...something. Anything.

The last thing I remembered was John, opening the door. His freckled face, and adorable curls. He was laughing, and so was Herc. Laf was waving a small French flag. They were perfect, the three of them. I was with them once, laughing as we walked into the dorm. After walking home from the bar, after having a great time together.

How did it all come to this?

—John's Perspective—

"That was crazy." I say, laughing as we walked into the dorm. Something seemed off as soon as we walked in, and me almost stepping on a piece of broken class confirmed it. Something was wrong. _Oh, oh no. Oh god, what happened?! _

"Wait, where's Alex?" I ask, looking at the floor around me. It looked like...bottles? There was another one not too far away, it was completely smashed. As if someone had thrown it.

_The door was locked, so the only one who could have thrown it was-_

"_John!" _Laf nearly screamed. I turned my head in his direction, and what I saw made my stomach churn.

It was Alex, laying on the floor. His wheelchair, which was on its side, looked as if it were crushing his legs, and he was clutching a smaller bottle. He didn't even look drunk, he looked _peaceful. _More peaceful than he's been in a while. I think that's what made me sick the most.

I tried to speak, to yell orders, _something! _But I couldn't, I just stood there. Laf helped Herc pick him up, and then we were off to the hospital. I was cradling Alex in the backseat, whispering to him. Trying anything that could get him to wake up. _Please, please let him wake up. Please. _

We got to the hospital and Herc tore Alex away from me. I nearly screamed and grabbed him back, but I didn't. I got out of the car.

I never really realized how small Alex was. Of course, he was always short compared to us. But I never really saw it.

I nearly threw up again when we got into the hospital where Herc was already. Alex was limp in Herc's arms, like he was already dead. Laf guided me to a chair at one point and started talking, but I didn't hear anything. It was just white noise as I squeezed my eyes shut. I just wanted this to be a dream. I could wake up and Alex would be next to me, he would be okay. He would be sleeping peacefully, cuddled into my chest like every other morning.

—

I fell asleep next to the vending machine. I would stand up every time the doctor or a nurse walked into the waiting room. But they didn't tell me anything. Laf and Herc were sleeping next to me for a bit too.

"John Laurens?" My eyes snapped open as I heard my name. I quickly stood up, my legs buckled at the sudden movement. I had to lean against the vending machine for a moment.

"That's me. Is he okay? Will he be okay?" It all came out in a rush. I wanted to know. I _needed _to know.

"Not yet, exactly." The doctor says with a sigh. "He drank a lot for a small guy. We're working on it though. Hopefully he'll be okay by tomorrow."

"Okay." I whisper, sliding back down to the floor. I looked over at Herc and Laf. They were snuggled against each other. Sleeping. There was so much time between now and tomorrow.

So I did what I could. I cried. I cried because I wasn't there for Alex, and now everything was going wrong. I saw he was gradually going downhill, but I didn't think it would come to _this. _Whatever this was. Did he purposely try to kill himself? What the hell was going through his head?

_You can ask him. Okay? Just stay positive. He'll get better. You'll help him this time. _I take a deep breath. _I'll help him this time. _

Hours later I heard my name again.

"John Laurens?" I looked up. "He's gonna be okay." The nurse says.

**Hi there guys! So I'm gonna have a poll (if I can figure out how :P) please, please, pleaaaaase go look and vote. I would really appreciate it :]**

**(And it 100% influences my nest decisions since the school year started)**


	12. Author's Note

Hey guys, I'm sorry I haven't uploaded in a long time. I've been super busy and...A lot of stuff happened. So I have been really distracted by that, and I am _really _sorry. I'll try to do better about uploading.

So...yeah! Next chapter will come sooner or later. Hopefully sooner. I'm sorry to keep you guys waiting.


	13. Thomas's Chapter

_How dare they! _Thomas was fuming. He would rip Hamilton apart with his bare hands, and his stupid boyfriend too. Maybe he was a bit wrong for kicking Hamilton's chair over, but he was _way_ out of line.

"Guess who still has the letter!" Thomas says to himself, pacing around the room angrily. "Me! I do! I could ruin your _lives_!" He threw himself down onto the couch, but then got up and started pacing again.

_Better than you...That's what he said! He said he was better than me! _Thomas thought, nearly screeching as he thought about it. Hamilton was supposed to do what _he_ said!

Thomas stopped his pacing for a moment and grabbed his phone. _I'll ruin his life. John's life too. I could text John's dad...send him the letter...I'll just do it now! _

He began to type an explanation for what he was about to send...but then he stopped. Then he tossed his phone onto the floor.

"Haven't you done enough, Thomas?" He asks himself, but his voice was quiet. Thomas grabbed a glass cup he had been drinking out of earlier. "Why do you do these things?!" He was louder now, and he threw the glass against the wall as hard as he could. Thomas watched as it shattered into a million pieces.

Then he looked over at a mirror in the room. It was just a normal mirror, just attached to the wall. Thomas glares at himself. His stupid hair that was somehow _always _curly. Everything about his reflection made him want to throw up. _You're an awful person. _

Thomas looked at himself for a moment longer, but then he couldn't stand it anymore. He couldn't stand looking at himself.

Just a few moments later, the mirror was broken. Shattered. So was Thomas. He was curled up under the mirror, sobbing. _I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!_ He let out another sob. This wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want to be laying on top of glass with bloody hands. He didn't want people to hate him. He didn't want to hate himself.

_But that's how it is. _

Now, if Thomas had known that James was going to walk in...well he wouldn't have been in the same spot he was when James _did _walk in.

"Thomas, What the fuck?!"

—

James had helped Thomas clean up the mess he made. Well, of the glass. Alex and John would never forgive him. Thomas wouldn't forgive himself either, but that was besides the point. James also stayed the night because he was pretty sure Thomas was going to smash something else if he left.

Thomas still wasn't fine, even with James at his side again. But he could pretend. _I suppose that would be enough...at least for now._


	14. Chapter 12, Part 1 John's End Chapter

(We're back in present time)

I almost started crying again, from the relief. Herc and Laf hugged me tightly. _I'm gonna kill him when he gets out of here. _I smile a little though. I was just glad he was still alive. But I'm still going to kill him. _What the hell was he thinking? _

"Can we see him?" I ask, standing up. The nurse gently shakes her head, and my face falls a little.

"Not yet dear. He should wake up tomorrow, if he does you can see him then." Laf puts his hand on my shoulder.

"We should go home, mon ami." He says. I sigh and nod.

"Fine. Let's go." I say quietly. And so we head out into the night. It was cloudy, so there weren't even any stars to cheer me up a bit. I loved to look at stars. They held so much beauty. I r_emember that story I once read. 'Here's to all of the stars' is how it ended. What did they say about stars again?_

I look over at Herc and Laf, who were whispering to each other. _Right. We only see the bright stars. The ones that are alive. And we never notice the ones that suddenly blink out._ I stare straight ahead as we walk, feeling a bit numb inside. Lost in my thoughts. _I don't want Alex to be like that. I want him to get better. _

It felt like someone else was listening in at that point. I looked up again, and I could see two stars in the sky. Side by side. _It's gonna get better. _The more I think about it, the more I believe. _It'll all get better. _

"Hey, guys?" I ask, calling out to the two boys.

"Yeah?" Herc turns around to look at me. "What's up?"

"I'm gonna stay at the hospital. Here, I mean. I'll stay here. I wanna be here." I didn't care that I probably wouldn't get any sleep. I would be there for Alex when he woke up. I would be the one to tell him he's an idiot. But then I'll tell him I'll love him forever, even if he is an idiot. Then eventually he'll get his act together and stop scaring me every other day. We'll graduate together, and hopefully one of us would propose to the other. It'll probably be him proposing to me, to be honest. He'll get a job in law, and I'll be a veterinarian. We could adopt a kid or two. Live the perfect life together. It'll be perfect. Nothing will go wrong ever again. I wouldn't let it. Neither will Alex.

It's gonna get better. Then it'll stay that way.


	15. Chapter 12, Part 2 Laf's End Chapter

"Of course, mon ami. Go ahead." I say with a small smile. John stood there for a moment, but then he nodded and went back inside.

"I wonder why he wants to stay now." Hercules says. I shrug, nearly wanting to race after John and ask him. If I were him, I'd never want to be in a hospital ever again. Alex has almost died twice now.

"I am not sure." I look at Herc. "Maybe he just wants to stay just in case?"

"Maybe. He does love Alex a lot." Herc says.

"Yes. We don't even know what happened during the whole Thomas episode." I say.

"Wait, What Thomas episode?" Hercules asks, resuming his walk. I walk with him, wishing to hold his hand.

"We're you asleep during those months?" I ask, giggling a little. "There was a whole thing with Thomas and Alex."

"Oh. I never pay attention to that stuff." Herc says, shaking his head. I smile and glance over at him. He was perfect in every way. From his gray beanie he always wore to his boots that somehow went with _every _outfit he wore.

I stopped walking and turned to look at him. Hercules stopped as well. I wasn't sure how to say anything in that moment, so I did the most reasonable thing I could do. I kissed him. It wasn't just a light peck or anything, it was a real kiss. Kind of like...like an I love you kiss.

Hercules was the first to pull away. I couldn't exactly read his expression. It looked like a mix of emotions, I just couldn't tell which ones.

"Uhm...sorry..." I say quietly. _Je suis tellement stupide! _I thought, staring at my shoes now. What was I thinking?! Me and Herc have gone on a few...outings. I'm not sure if they are dates or not. But we weren't boyfriends or anything! Well, at least he hadn't said so. But I hadn't said so either!

"Don't be." Hercules smiles at me. _Okay. Maybe not too bad after all. _"Also, I looked up what amour meant recently."

"What?" I ask. _Why would he do that?_

"I remember you yelling one day about Thomas and Alex, and then you yelled mon amour. Do you not remember? I was still in Thomas's dorm, and you ran back in screaming in French." Herc says, laughing a little.

"Oh. Yes I remember now. I made a fool of myself, haven't I?" _What if he doesn't like me at all anymore? What if he wants me to move dorms because I've been secretly in love with him this entire time and he's found out?!_

"No, you haven't. But I also learned something in French. I want you to hear it." Herc says with a smile. I slowly nod. What was he going to do? Say something terrible about me in my mother language?

"Je t'aime." I look up at Herc when I hear the words. _Maybe not ridicule...oh my god._

"Je t'aime aussi." I smile and kiss him again after I say this.

We laughed a lot on our way home, and it was amazing. We decided to go on a date, a real date, the next day. I can't wait to see what will happen next.

If we get a happy ending, I hope John and Alex do as well. We can all graduate and our children will be best friends! Well, assuming everyone will want to adopt and have kids. In the end, I hope it'll all turn out perfect. We've dealt with enough drama. Me and Herc haven't as much, but John and Alex have.

Who knew a late night twister game would turn into this?


	16. Chapter 12, Part 3 Alex's End Chapter

_This needs to stop. _I groan and blink as the bright white lights blind me. I needed to stop waking up in hospitals. _Wait, how did I get here in the first place?_ I try to sit up, but it doesn't exactly work. _Right. Legs don't work. I forgot. _I sigh and squeeze my eyes shut. _The only way I could be here is if someone found me...and the only someones who could have found me are Herc, Laf, and John. _

I opened my eyes, and they stung with tears. John definitely hated me now. I can't even remember everything that happened, and that isn't a good thing. I just recall drinking. And falling. The endless tumble into nothingness.

It was a terrible memory, overall.

"You're awake! Great!" Someone says in a cheery voice. A nurse, maybe. Or a doctor. Neither would be preferable, but we can't all get what we want.

"Yes." Is all I could muster. My throat burned with just that word. Why would I want to speak more?

"Do you wish for me to wake Mr. Laurens? He's been waiting all night. Finally fell asleep in one of those dreadful chairs an hour or two ago." She was too cheery for a hospital. Maybe some people liked it. I didn't.

"No." Even though it hurt, I kept talking. "Let him sleep." _It's the least I can do. I probably scared him shitless. _

"Very well! Just tell me if you need anything. There's water on the table next to you." And then the cheery nurse was gone. _She didn't even tell me how I was doing. But then again, I didn't ask. _

_I hope John isn't too mad. I fucked everything up this time. I'm an idiot. _I sigh and use all the strength I could muster to wiggle onto my side. It was more comfortable.

_I wonder where Herc and Laf are. Did they give up on me? She said John's been here all night. So maybe it hasn't been long. But I don't know what time it is either. _I shake my hair and roll back onto my back.

_It doesn't matter. Everything is going to change now. I'm never going to end up in this hospital ever again. John doesn't deserve all the worry that comes with being my boyfriend. Well...he should have known things would get hectic. I'm also never speaking to Thomas Jefferson ever again. Not even for debate. Alright, that's a lie. I'm still gonna wreck his ass in debates. _I smile a little.

_Anyway, back on topic. No more drinking. No more hospitals. No more making John worry. Although, he'll definitely worry anyway. He's sweet that way. But I won't make him worry about things like him walking into the dorm and finding me passed out on the floor. No more of that. _I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling. I was gonna change everything.

My name is Alexander Hamilton. I am going to make everything better. For John Laurens, for Hercules Mulligan and Lafayette, and for everyone else. Everything is going to change for the better.

And I'm gonna be the one to change it.


	17. Epilogue

_Dear John Laurens, _

_This whole thing started with a letter, but we haven't written to each other like we did before. Yes, I know we're officially a couple and everyone knows it. And yes, I know we don't need to write letters anymore. I just felt like I needed to write one though. We just graduated, so maybe it could be a time thing. I know you saved the letter Thomas gave back to you, so maybe you'll keep this one too. Well, I guess he didn't give it back to you, since you never got the letter in the first place. He took it before you could read it, remember? What am I saying? Of course you remember. _

_Somehow, you remember everything. Which is amazing, obviously. Anyways, back to what I was saying. We just graduated. We've been together for years now. Even though we've had some rough spots, I'm so glad you still love me. I mean, I'll never have even a dollop of fame or acres of land. I don't even have a dollar to my name. I'm really glad you see past that. I love you John, I really do. _

_So, if you get this letter...meet me in our old dorm. Right where we first met, when I knew I would absolutely love you forever no matter what. Even if you met someone else before I was brave enough to make a move. Do you remember the first night we met? I remember everything about it. I especially remember my confusion when I opened the door to three grown men playing twister. That was a pretty unforgettable moment. _

_Speaking of the other two guys I've spent the years with, can you believe Laf is planning to propose?! I can't wait for their wedding. Back to the whole point of this letter. I keep getting sidetracked. Meet me at our old dorm. And make sure to say hi to Thomas and James. They're back together, and also helped me get up the stairs. The elevator was broken. James carried my wheelchair up while Thomas carried me. It was a bit awkward, but we made it up. I'm still waiting for the day when my legs start working again. _

_I got sidetracked again. Too many thoughts in my head, I guess. Laf should have put this in your bag. Just knock on the door when you get upstairs. I love you. _

_Sincerely, _

_Me_

—

I raced into the building, clutching the letter in my hand. I hadn't seen Alex all day, and then I found a letter in my bag that Laf supposedly put in there. I looked over at the elevator, which was out of order. Of course. I sighed and looked at the stairs.

But when I did, I smiled. There was post-it notes on every step. I glanced around, then walked over and read the one on the first stair.

"_Earth to Alexander!" _I looked at what it said, a bit confused. Then I read the next one. "_Or Alex, If you prefer Alex._" I didn't understand what they meant.

"_I like Alex. Can I call you Alex?" _I was holding the three post-it notes now, and the words seemed suddenly familiar. _These are the things I first said to him._ I laughed a little, and nearly cried. I can't believe he remembered the first things I said to him!

"_None of us wanted to miss meeting you, so we stayed up." _I continued to walk up the stairs. "_And decided to play twister. And you walked in." _

"_The turtle books are mine, if you were wondering." _

"_If you were wondering about the bed, don't ask. There was four..."_

"_Alexander. It is almost two in the morning...and you are doing work?!"_

I kept walking, going as fast as I could without missing any of the post-it notes.

"_I know, but now I'm holding it hostage!" _

"_Do you want to get lunch someday together? Or dinner?" _I stopped at this one. It had a quote from Alex too.

"_Are you asking me out on a date, Laurens?" "Are you saying yes, Hamilton?" _I laughed to myself and picked it up, I wanted to save it. I kept walking upstairs.

"_Where have you been? I WAS WORRIED!" _I started to go quicker, not wanting to keep him waiting for too long. I wasn't even sure what the surprise was, assuming it was a surprise.

"_It's okay. I love you Alex." _

"_Alex, you've been in your room since this morning." _

I got to the right floor not long after I read that last one. I was expecting more notes, but the hallway was surprisingly empty. James and Thomas were standing in the doorway of one room, and I waved as I passed. Then I got to our old dorm. And I knocked.

"Come in!" I recognized the voice as Alex's right away. I smiled a little and opened the door, but I smiled even more when I saw the room.

The walls were covered in different papers. Some were old letters from when me and Alex were still a secret, and some were more post-it notes.

But these ones were different. These ones had things that Alex said. After looking around the room in awe for a few moments, I finally turned my attention to Alex.

He was sitting in the walkway, right in front of me. The only thing different was that he was wearing a suit instead of his normal hoodie and jeans. He always refused to dress nice, so this was a bit concerning that he did it voluntarily.

"Did you like the letter?" He asks with a bright smile. I nod, not really able to say anything. All of the notes on the walls took my breath away.

"I have a question. And normally the person in my position would get down on one knee...but I am unable." Alex gestures to his legs and the chair.

"What...what do you mean?" I ask, trying to think of what he could possible mean by that.

"I mean..." Alex reaches into his pocket and pulls out a box. "John Laurens, will you make me the happiest guy ever and marry me?" _OH MY GOD!_

"Yes! _Yes! _I love you! Of course I will!" I laugh and bend down to hug him. I started crying tears of joy at some point, but I can't remember when. I do remember that Alex started crying too though.

_Dear Alexander Hamilton, _

_This has been a hell of a week. I almost forgot to respond to your letter. Remember we made that rule? We had to always write back at some point, no matter what. I still can't help but wonder about something though. Why did we ever stop writing the letters? Is it because we could just show affection whenever we wanted after the whole Thomas thing? Did we feel like we didn't need letters anymore? _

_I was also wondering about something else. How long did it take you to write all those post-it quotes? I have a feeling you wrote down everything we've said just so you could do that. You made me tear up though, it made me really happy. I saved the one where I first asked you out. And the one explaining the twister thing. Alright, fine. I kept all of them. One day when we're older I'm gonna take out the box of letters and post-it quotes. Then we're going to go through them together and laugh. Or cry. Maybe a bit of both. I hope we don't loose these two letters though. I feel like we'll remember them anyway. _

_Anyway, this week has been one of the happiest of my life. Laf proposed to Herc right when Herc was going to propose to Laf. That was a hilarious story. I told Laf about the post-it quotes, and he literally squealed. That guy is a sucker for romance. And what you did was super romantic. I'll remember it forever, I swear. But I'll one-up you for our anniversary. Just you wait, Alexander Hamilton, just you wait. _

_That's all I really wanted to say. I just needed a letter responding to yours, so I wouldn't break our rule. I love you, dearest fiancé. _

_Sincerely, _

_Me_

_(Well, that's the end :'). Not the complete end though, there is totally going to be a sequel with a Phillip scandal. Love you guys, see you in the next story!)_


	18. Quick Note!

Hey! So this isn't part of this story, it's done. But I am working on the sequel as you read this! Please understand that I've been a bit busy, and I've been brainstorming like crazy.

It's not a normal sequel, I tell you that. And it's going to be its own story. Like a multiple-book story.

Sincerely, Me might have just been the prequel.

Shit's about to get crazy.

(Also, I'm seeing Hamilton on the 29th! AHHHH!)


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